Under-Reported IndyCar Rules Changes for 2016: ‘Miles of Cars’

YEEES-SIR!

Honda teams will not only benefit from certain aero kit rules changes for 2016, but also from mandatory sensitivity training and re-education. This is in order to avoid coming across as poor, ungracious winners to the few thousand fans worldwide who may bother to tune in and notice.

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Chevy teams will not be allowed to refer to “Honda,” “aero kits,” “unfair,” “fu@%in’ Aussie” or “wanker b@$tard” during any media engagements, either on television, radio or the jihad-web. This is especially so for a certain fu@%in’ Aussie wanker b@$tard’s three Penske teammates.

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Mad Russian Mikhail Aleshin’s urine, hair and blood  Continue reading

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‘Old Jay Frye’

Old Jay Frye’s a mighty rac-in’ fan,

Kicked some ass in NA$CAR-land

Growin’ tired of all those heels,

He came to the home of open wheels

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Photo from sports.usatoday.com

So get outta the way of old Jay Frye,

He’s giv-in’ Indy-Car a try.

IndyCar’s peaked and done declin-in’

Old Jay Frye like Walker will be cry-in’.

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Continue reading

IndyCar News Week in Review: Mark Miles’ Flying Circus Edition

Mark Miles Flying Circus

UPDATE: Former N@$C@R owner and University of Missouri (!) alum Jay Frye has been hired to replace ousted Competition CEO Derrick Walker, finally. Walker’s exit was announced months ago after the exquisite race at Fontana. Frye enjoyed Red Bull backing in the ‘Clockwork Orange’ series and already had been working for IndyCar. Of course when you’ve got major problems as a series, it makes perfect sense to hire from within.

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Flying Kits And Aero Fits: Renewed testing of the gawd-awful and downright dangerous aero kits will commence at Indianapolis next April, a mere month and a half in advance of the most significant race in history. Presumably this is an attempt to minimize cars flying through the air at the Brickyard as they did last May in a scene reminiscent of IMS’ early days as a US Army Air Corps aerodrome. No one can say Mark Miles and crew don’t learn from history, though it does seem to take repeated bashing over the head with it before finally sinking in.

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To Honda According Its Needs: IndyCar recently announced Continue reading

IndyCar News Week in Review: Scary Schedule Edition

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Know Nothings on Tour: IMS President Doug Boles has been on a 100th running of the Indy 500 promo tour recently, visiting a sheet metal shop and a Studebaker museum. How nice. As if he had anything whatsoever to do with the renovations currently underway at the Speedway. Thank you, taxpayers. Meanwhile, the most significant race in history still has no title sponsor. Troublingly, under the tutelage of Boles & Miles we could see this extremely important task thoroughly screwed up, as well. Making matters worse, apparently any and all announcements about the grand and historic occasion are on hold until more money is forthcoming. Kinda like the schedule it seems, except for Boles’ day tripping. Getting a title sponsor for the centennial of open wheel racing’s greatest event should be akin to shooting fish in a barrel. Sadly it’s not with this leadership gang who couldn’t shoot straight with laser sights.

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So-Called Schedule: In possibly the worst secret – much less the worst kept secret – in the annals of racing history, IndyCar belatedly released its 2016 schedule this week to the disapproval of large and important segments of its fan base. Mark Miles lamely tried to advance the argument that each type of track – streets, roads & ovals – has five races, or conveniently one third of the schedule – excepting the streets of Belle Isle, which host two and put the total at six street races. IRR pointed out this blatant fallacy on Twitter Tuesday since many seemed to be buying it, correctly stating the ratio at more than 2 to 1 when using the real world category of road and street courses (together) versus oval tracks. Leave it to us for all your complex math needs – and to see through the propaganda.

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So-Called Schedule, Part Two: There are an inordinate amount of weekends off next year, Continue reading

IndyCar Schedule Instant Reaction: Missed It By A Miles (The Musical)

IndyCar’s finally set to announce its 2016 slate and boy is it a duesie. Honestly, we simply grew tired of waiting and it goes without saying the lineup is nowhere near our idea of an ideal schedule. Spread out over a month longer than last year, there’s still merely sixteen races though many of them can scarcely be called that. Hell, you get more pee-wee league soccer games in a season, and certainly more penalties in a football game. This Halloween, IndyCar’s schedule’s as scary as a trip through a Stephen King nightmare. It’s so disconcerting that the great Gyorgy Ligeti must have done the score for this terrifying beaut.

Boston?! Another unremarkable street course, this time on the massive taxpayer funded boondoggle called “the big dig.” It’s destined to be another bore, just like Baltimore. One difference is that it may not last even three years; we can only hope. For a new race IndyCar could have at least picked a city people want to visit. It’ll be another embarrassing footnote for a series that already has quite enough of those, thank you Mark Miles. Suffice it to say, we don’t ‘love that dirty water.’

Speaking of urban hell holes, Continue reading

IndyCar Leadership’s As Existent As Bars On Mars

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Combining the words “IndyCar” and “leadership” in the same sentence goes beyond oxymoronic – it blasts into “Total Recall” territory (the good one with Arnold, not the remake). Put another way, the likelihood of sound decisions coming out of 16th and Georgetown is roughly equivalent to the chances of getting some water to go with that bourbon on your next visit to the red planet.

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Derrick Walker still hasn’t been replaced as President of Competition months after his resignation, there’s no announced schedule for 2016 and the interminable six month off season has only just begun. The sport’s been hemorrhaging fans, forgetting its own past and merely managing to limp along. Mark Miles was supposed to be the savior; instead he’s proven to be a dud. Otherwise, things are going well – no disaster to see here.

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In fairness it’s not all doom and gloom, just largely. Positives include competitive racing most of the season, an uptick in viewership Continue reading

An Interview With Indy Sun’s Carl Cavern

Carl Cavern

Photo from Indy Race Reviewer

The Indianapolis Sun’s Carl Cavern is the star IndyCar reporter for the new-ish news site courageously challenging Circle City’s monotonous media monopoly. Ever the scamp, Carl’s Twitter profile reads “IndyCar, culture and everything else reporter and Curt Cavin’s existential nightmare.” Sounds fascinating, doesn’t he? We thought so, too.

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So in response to the tremendous demand from our readers to find out more about the mystery scribe that is Carl Cavern, we managed despite a great deal of difficulty to wangle an interview with the elusive writer and Tweeter extraordinaire. It was an intriguing experience, to say the least.

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IRR: Tell our readers about yourself. They probably only know you through your colorful Tweets about racing, if at all.

Carl Cavern: I’m a Hoosier, born and bred. Love IndyCar, God, country, Indiana and my family – in that order. I’ve seen too many races to count, going back to when I was a kid growing up in Terre Haute. Continue reading

Sonoma Finale Race Review: ‘Damn It, Man!’ Championship Edition

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In a result few outside of Chip Ganassi‘s Star Wars bar scene inner circle saw coming, Kiwi Scott Dixon won both the Sonoma GoPro Grand Prix and the IndyCar championship Sunday, his third win of the year and fourth title of Dixie’s storied career. It was thanks in large part to Team Penske and Juan Montoya‘s monumental collapse. Leading since St. Pete it was Montoya’s title to lose, and he did so in spectacular fashion. Banging into and spinning team mate Will Power who was leading the race on the first restart, Montoya damaged the nose of his own car and threw the championship away in a single turn. JPM had enjoyed a substantial points lead going into the finale – thirty four over Rahal and forty seven over Dixon – but thanks to this epic brain fade finished second in a tie breaker on wins.

Aug 30, 2015; Sonoma, CA, USA; Pit crew for IndyCar Series driver Juan Pablo Montoya bring the car to the grid before the GoPro Grand Prix of Sonoma at Sonoma Raceway. Mandatory Credit: Kelley L Cox-USA TODAY Sports

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The first half of the contest was fairly humdrum and typical of a Sonoma race as Leigh Diffey himself admitted in the latter stages. From pole Power sped away from the field and dominated the race until Montoya foolishly punted him. It being a Penske affair, of course no penalty was forthcoming. The first caution was a questionable flag for Filippi who hit  nothing but was supposedly slow on course. This was the beginning of race control rearing its ugly heads though, and unfortunately it would have an effect on the outcome. For the first time in months they penalized drivers during the contest with drive through penalties including one for Sebastien Bourdais who hit Graham Rahal from behind, spinning him out and costing him any chance at the title. Rahal angrily confronted Bourdais afterwards on pit lane, saying “Good job . . . you knew exactly where I was going and you drove like a f___ing d__k! ”

Graham Rahal, right, and Charlie Kimball (83) compete during the IndyCar Grand Prix of Sonoma auto race Sunday, Aug. 30, 2015, in Sonoma, Calif. (AP Photo/Eric Risberg) ORG XMIT: CAER108

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Josef Newgarden ran well in second but Team Penske’s Simon Pagenaud parked it on pit road obstructing the young American’s exit from his pit box. Continue reading

Sonoma Finale Predictions and Prognostications: Rock ‘n Roll Edition

It’s been a trying week so let’s get right to the good stuff – our rip roarin’ Jimmy Page inspired crystal balling, of course. This week’s special prediction for IndyCar’s final race of the season and Championship decider is that there’ll be no driver-rattling, frightened-it’s-the-big-one, Fred Sanford-type earthquake hit Sonoma this year, at least not hours prior to the green flag like last visit.

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To quote Juan Pablo Montoya on 2014’s rockin’ act of God who come to think of it sounded a bit like Redd Foxx, “Awful, like awful. My shit . . . was shaking.” And since there’ll be no rockin’ and rollin’ pre-race – or probably during the race at all in “So Mind Numbing Sonoma,” thank you Indycar schedulers – we’ve supplied an excellent musical selection of our own choosing. Thought it’d be appropriate to have England’s greatest rock band provide it this week.

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Like a hot poker up the pee hole, picking Power for pole pains us plenty. Prognosticating “Mad” Will to prevail in anything just seems crazy and wrong. Moving right along first out of the race will be rookie Stefano “reckless-er than Andretti” Coletti, who seems to have trouble keeping his KV machine in one piece, whether it’s in practice or a race, on an oval or a crappy road course. In other words, Coletti doesn’t rock.

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The biggest surprise of the race and arguably the season Continue reading

IndyCar News Week in Review: Derrick, We Hardly Knew Ye

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Walker Walks: Mark Miles announced Derrick Walker’s resignation as IndyCar President of Competition Thursday, effective at season’s end. Walker’s brief two year tenure leaves yet another void in series leadership, using the term loosely. His biggest challenge was overseeing the introduction of the costly and controversial aero kits this season in an effort to differentiate the look of the cars.

Mike Hull, Target Chip Ganassi Racing team manager

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Walker’s Wake: It’s become a freakin’ turnstile at 16th & Georgetown and speculation about a replacement for Walker has already begun. Curt Cavin pointed to Ganassi honcho Mike Hull as a likely replacement, but we just don’t see it. Hull has the knowledge and experience, but he’s an extremely odd duck and like Walker would struggle as a face of the series with the press. Walker’s impending departure at the end of August also means we’ve a lame duck in charge of race control for the final three races, so don’t expect an immediate uptick in rational calls or a more even application of penalties. Sadly such inconsistency will be Walker’s legacy as competition chief.

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Expected Engine Infractions: Several Honda teams, including Andretti Autosport, Continue reading