IndyCar Classic Predictions and Prognostications: On the Road Again

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Photo from cicuitoftheamericas.com

In its infinite wisdom, IndyCar visits yet another rampantly redundant road course this weekend – and it’s most definitely not music to our ears.

Turns out a wide array of musicians sing songs titled “On the Road Again,” including most famously Texas’ own Willie Nelson, Canned Heat, Barrabas and a group called Amphetamine Eaters to name but a few. And that’s not to mention derivative ditties like the Grateful Dead’s “Natural Born Easy (On the Road Again),” either. Our special prediction of the race deals specifically with the quick cars being on the road – again.

Image from countryfancast.com

Directly counter to the conventional view of every other single outlet and commentator in existence, Sunday’s show won’t be gripping viewing, but rather a rerun of the numerous other identical road races – like the very next one in Alabama. Lacking in excitement, speed and overtaking – also known as quality racing – COTA will amount to a high dollar, low interest parade around a three and a half mile f-ing F1 circuit. To us, such an ear splitting waste of horsepower strikes an extremely sour note.

Our pick for pole also may sound like a familiar tune, Continue reading

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St. Pete Predictions and Prognostications: Live PD Edition

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A recent high profile IndyCar related arrest put IRR in an increasingly incarcerating mood for Sunday’s season opener. As Davey Hamilton, Jr. might say, “stop resisting!”

The Firestone Grand Prix takes place just south of Pasco County, Florida, equally famous for both its recurring spots on Live PD and its 3rd grade educated, meth addled criminal class. In honor of this and the adorable K-9 officer Shep – along with his equally adorable handler (at least according to this author’s girlfriend) – we’ll get to our picks quicker than Dan Abrams can come up with a poorly worded police related pun.

Our special prediction for 2019’s inaugural event is that it’ll be about as engaging as a Nye County welfare check thirty minutes out. Afterward you’ll wish the entire series hierarchy were thrown behind bars or, better yet, put under the jail for so persistently insisting upon such shoddy street circuits. Particularly when there’s a perfectly serviceable yet thoroughly unused oval track down in Homestead. Swedish imports NOT in a vodka bottle or bikini? Check. Starting the year off with yet another buzz killing street course?? Check. Allowing Marco, Max “Paris” Chilton and TK all to take the green??? Check. It’s profoundly criminal, and more than enough to make us wanna fire up Florida’s famed ol’ sparky.

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Prognostication for pole sitter invokes our personal favorite Live PD peace officer, Richland County’s Lieutenant “Downtown” Danny Brown. Why, you ask? Because in IndyCar nowadays, pole’s as easy to sniff out as a blazin’ blunt from the car full of extremely confident fellows directly upwind from you. Continue reading

St. Pete Preview: Swede Smell of Unsuccess

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IRR’s far from neutral in our insights into IndyCar’s incredibly iffy intro to 2019.

Expect a typically erratic, albeit mildly entertaining start to the campaign on the streets of St. Pete, with nothing even approaching an error-free opener, much less Swedish drivers distinguishing themselves in any positive way. That’s coming from an author who’s actually visited Sweden – or as close as Stockholm comes these days.

Despite a lamentably lame and lackluster course, the initial contest of the season is often surprisingly watchable, for as noted in last year’s preview, “My God – It’s Full of Rookies!,” the stunning lack of experience in what’d be considered spring training in any other sport usually provides some laughs – if not worse. We’re not merely referring to the outrageous maiming of paying race fans at the track a few years back, either.

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With a pair of Swedish rookies meatballing their way through their inaugural IndyCar race there’ll be plenty of Nordic-headed behavior on display. And that’s not even counting the micro talented, macro ego-ed Marco, who hasn’t won a race in nearly a decade and routinely makes the term driver as big of a joke as a Jussie Smollett “hate crime.” Though not saying much, IndyCar’s actual Vikings will greatly out-pillage Mario’s mediocre, milquetoast grandson – and all without the benefit of Volvos! Continue reading

Nineteen Predictions for the 2019 IndyCar Season

Swedish Bikini Team IRR

Anticipate another entertaining season opener on St. Pete’s street course oddly enough, even without flying aero kit pieces or Juan “street cleaner” Montoya in the field. Less surprisingly, thrilling contests again will ensue at Texas Motor Speedway and Gateway Motorsports Park, both oval races held under the lights. Now if only the egg heads at 16th & Georgetown would heed IRR’s advice and return Iowa’s race to a nocturnal knife fight and bring back excellent tracks like Kentucky, Chicagoland, Michigan and Fontana we’d have more awesome oval affairs to look forward to.

The series’ pair of new Swedish drivers – Schmidt’s Marcus Ericsson and Ganassi’s Felix Rosenqvist – will spend the 2019 campaign stuck in neutral. Suffice it to say their transition won’t be pretty.

A second season running the new cars will make the disparity between the series’ haves and have-nots even greater, unfortunately. Last year saw Penske win yet another 500 and Ganassi take the championship – again. An entire off season of the super teams fine tuning their machines won’t help matters. Continue reading

Gateway Predictions and Prognostications: Attenuator Edition

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Sometimes it isn’t only race car drivers who need an attenuator, but fans as well.

Our special prediction is a soothing one for roughed up race fans who’ve had a difficult week in the wake of Robbie Wickens’ grave accident and injuries. Rest assured Saturday night won’t be at all like that, so everyone can take a deep breath and . . . relax. At half the length, Gateway will prove a much tamer track than Pocono, with far lower speeds, much shorter straightaways and shorter radius turns. The racing’s a lot different; sure there’ll be wrecks, but thankfully none on the order of Wickens’.

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Photo from cbc.ca

This next one we can’t lessen the blow of, so be forewarned. Pole sitter Continue reading

Gateway Preview: Awake and Alert Edition

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Photo from sports.usatoday.com

2018’s final oval track race will be held Saturday night outside St. Louis. With only three races remaining in the season and the title chase intensifying, the fast cars under the lights will be fascinating to watch, particularly coming less than a week after Robbie Wickens’ horrific, injury sustaining crash at Pocono.

IndyCar’s return to East St. Louis last season saw Tony “time to call it quits” Kanaan crash on the parade lap before the race had even begun. Then, on lap one, Will Power spun and crashed collecting Ed Carpenter and Takuma Sato. It was yet another of those kind of starts. On his championship run, an alert Josef Newgarden bravely bump-passed his teammate Simon Pagenaud for the win with thirty laps remaining. Newkid’s victory in Illinois was his third out of the last four races, and Pags wasn’t pleased.

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Photo from indycar.com

Prior to last year, IndyCar hadn’t raced at Gateway Motorsports Park in fourteen years – a race IRR staff attended, but weren’t thrilled about. Continue reading

Pocono Race Review: A Speedy Recovery

Considering another comically amateurish start followed by a devastating, injurious crash on lap seven, the fact that the remaining able-bodied drivers somehow managed to put on a decent show at all is remarkable. Particularly in light of Robert Wickens’ unknown medical circumstances, which remained a complete mystery for a full hour before his consciousness was announced. The full extent of his wounds still isn’t known.

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Photo from cbc.ca

After a two hour delay for cleanup of the massive debris field plus repairs to the fence, Alexander Rossi drove his NAPA car right up to the wall and to its limits, proving himself yet again the swiftest over 500 miles.

NBCSN’s pre-race included shots of Marco’s Palace and lots of Robin Miller. In other words, it was gaudy and odd. Another laboriously slow, bunched up start to the race from pole sitter Will Power saw Ragin’ Graham Rahal immediately run into Spencer Pigot’s right rear at the back of the field and bring out a caution. Along with the winner we predicted a crash-fest, and it sure started out that way. Power typically blamed Scott Dixon – who was deep in the field! – flashing graphs and pleading that he only did what he was told. Rahal was penalized for the first lap incident and it’s clear he needs to work on his starts, his qualifying – or both.

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Photo from indycar.com

Rossi quickly passed Power for the lead on the lap seven restart. Behind them Wickens tried to get around Ryan Hunter-Reay in turn two Continue reading

Pocono Predictions and Prognostications: Promises, Promises

PromisesAheadIRR

Sunday’s ABC Supply 500 promises to be powerful viewing as both the final 500 miler and penultimate oval track race of the season.

The special prediction for Pocono entails another exquisite exhibition of open wheel racing on an oval track, we promise. Last year’s race was a highlight of the season, and as we noted in our preview the Pocono show’s actually gotten better and better through the years. A caveat to this prognostication is that there’s always the potential IndyCar, still learning the “new cars” after eight months, could screw it up with its ever changing rules and regulations.

MarkMilesWantedIRR

Pick for pole position is Continue reading

Mid-Ohio Race Review: This Frenchman’s On Fire!

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Pole sitter Alexander Rossi’s victory for Andretti Autosport was never really in any doubt, as is so often the case at Mid-Ohio, although NBCSN’s superb coverage (on CNBC) of Sebastien Bourdais’ Napoleonic battles from deep in the field made it at times almost seem like it. Demonstrating how Sunday really wasn’t his but rather SeBass’ day for swiping an amazing eighteen positions going from last to sixth, the Indy 500 winner celebrated his race win by embarrassingly high-siding and stalling his NAPA car on track’s edge while attempting, unsuccessfully, to cut donuts.

During pre-race both Rossi and Josef Newgarden mentioned the lack of a morning warm-up, highly unusual for IndyCar. Already putting everyone in the paddock on edge were a string of chaotic practice and qualification sessions, with umpteen incidents and cars leaving the terrible track. Under this foreboding atmosphere, of course the race proceeded under ninety straight green flag laps – though it wasn’t without its incidents.

Rossi and Will Power led the bunched up field to the start, with several drivers back in the pack nearly making and then, in fact, making contact. Rossi’s trudging pace from pole, or what Paul Tracy called a “dirty move,” was reviewed but Continue reading

Mid-Ohio Predictions and Prognostications: Pretty Vacant

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Scheduled during “Holidays in the Sun” season when no one’s looking, it’s appropriate that Mid-Ohio again will be broadcast on a cable channel no one’s watching. In a phrase, the race is “Pretty Vacant.”

Since this post is cutting into our own precious vacation time, we’ll get right to our special punk rock prediction for this sorry excuse of a race. There will be nothing memorable, much less special, about Sunday’s parade ’round a sports car course in the middle of nowhere. There never is about Mid-Ohio – it’s a nihilist’s dream date. We’ve been watching it closely – requiring no small amount of both endurance and patience, we can tell you – for decades now. It makes us wonder at times like these, where’s a Sid Vicious to wreak havoc when you need him?

Pole winner will probably be Will “Problems” Power, although any Team Penske member could well do it. Truth is, pole matters little this weekend, as usual. Power started P1 last year and finished second behind Josef Newgarden. Pags did win from pole in ’16, but he’s the only driver to do so in the last six years. One has to go back to 2011 when Scott Dixon won from pole – another of his record five victories at Mid-Ohio. He also triumphed after starting dead last in 2014, beating the field into utter “Submission.”

First out of this event inspiring absolutely “No Feelings” would likely be no one, were awful Austrian Rene “wrecking ball” Binder not back in a car. The rookie ride buyer’s season has been, well, regrettable. As for the race, there weren’t any DNFs last year and 2015 saw only one in Takuma Sato, though both 2016 and 2014 saw three apiece, thanks largely to first lap pileups. Tony “time to call it quits” Kanaan was the lone car off course in 2013 while Ryan Hunter-Reay with the hyphen-here-to-stay was the only DNF in 2012. His was mechanical – and wasn’t pretty.

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Photo from foxnews.com

The biggest surprise of the whole sham affair will be if Continue reading