‘Newgarden In Love, Or: Mad Will Hunting’ – An IRR/Harvey Weinstein Production

weinsteinIRR

When worlds – and hands and genitals – collide, things get messy.

Following a disastrous string of IndyCar themed movies – unless you consider ‘Turbo’ at all watchable – our ill-advised new venture with a disastrously pervish producer can’t possibly be worse than what Hollywood currently puts out, can it?

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Image from kindafunnyforums.com

Without further adieu, here’s the world premier of a scene from the behind the scenes making of ‘Newgarden In Love,’ featuring everyone’s favorite former movie producer. It begins with us opportunistically approaching Mr. Weinstein about another possible IndyCar – Hollywood collaboration. For some strange reason, none of our female staff members were eager to participate.

EXT. ARIZONA SEX ADDICTION REHAB CENTER – NIGHT.

In the shadows Pervy Harvey nervously tugs on his shorty robe, only half-heartedly trying to avoid the paparazzi camped out nearby. We gain easy access to the posh center, knowing the staff (and many of the clientele) all too well. [Now THAT’s IRR Unchained!] We also made sure Harvey’d already showered and were careful not to meet him anywhere near his room. Fortunately never having dealt with him before, we walk up haltingly – as if encountering some great wounded beast.

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Photo from eonline.com

Pervy Harvey

What da fu*% do I know about IndyCar? Tits and ass? You betcha. Terrible movie remakes? Yes. But racing? Nah, never happen, kid. By the way, is this place ever great for gettin’ some action! And their plant pots are HUGE.

IRR

You’d be surprised at all the T n’ A drivers get – even awful ones, like Marco. I’m sure you remember Mrs. Franchitti, don’t you? She’s been mentioned in the press lately. Besides, just leave the racing aspects to us. We’ve got you uh, covered, Harvey. Speaking of which, please pull your robe back down now.
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Fictional IndyCar Sponsors We’d Like To See

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Image from Indy Race Reviewer

Fake products could fill the void of actual IndyCar sponsors.

As forbearing fans of open wheel racing know, empty side pods seldom look good. It occurred to us that something – anything – filling those blank canvasses doing 220 mph would surely beat nothing. Fastidious fans of fast also know that IndyCar has a dearth of sponsors, so we couldn’t resist offering a few fictional movie and television product suggestions. Why not? We’re feeling Leigh Diffey daffy.

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Image from Indy Race Reviewer

Lacking sponsors, the aim for back marker owners – which the series has plenty of – should be to give at least the appearance of success. What’s the harm if they provide a few laughs to the paying customers at the same time? No, we’re not going with the ‘Chitty Chitty Bang Bang’ (or ‘Back to the Future’ Delorean or even the ‘Bladerunner’ car) reference vis-a-vis Mark Miles’ Flying Circus. Although considering Marco‘s gawd awful ‘Indiana Jones’ paint job several years back, we did think about it.

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Photo from Indy Race Reviewer

Now for the imaginary items for IndyCar. Morrie’s Wigs from the Scorsese mob standard “Goodfellas” makes a primo candidate for primary sponsorship. Morrie’s would rank right up there with “Northern Lights” and “Pep Boys,” both of which not only existed but also actually sponsored the series at one time. Continue reading