Fictional IndyCar Sponsors We’d Like To See

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Image from Indy Race Reviewer

Fake products could fill the void of actual IndyCar sponsors.

As forbearing fans of open wheel racing know, empty side pods seldom look good. It occurred to us that something – anything – filling those blank canvasses doing 220 mph would surely beat nothing. Fastidious fans of fast also know that IndyCar has a dearth of sponsors, so we couldn’t resist offering a few fictional movie and television product suggestions. Why not? We’re feeling Leigh Diffey daffy.

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Image from Indy Race Reviewer

Lacking sponsors, the aim for back marker owners – which the series has plenty of – should be to give at least the appearance of success. What’s the harm if they provide a few laughs to the paying customers at the same time? No, we’re not going with the ‘Chitty Chitty Bang Bang’ (or ‘Back to the Future’ Delorean or even the ‘Bladerunner’ car) reference vis-a-vis Mark Miles’ Flying Circus. Although considering Marco‘s gawd awful ‘Indiana Jones’ paint job several years back, we did think about it.

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Photo from Indy Race Reviewer

Now for the imaginary items for IndyCar. Morrie’s Wigs from the Scorsese mob standard “Goodfellas” makes a primo candidate for primary sponsorship. Morrie’s would rank right up there with “Northern Lights” and “Pep Boys,” both of which not only existed but also actually sponsored the series at one time. Continue reading

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Taking IndyCar’s Message to NASCAR Country

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There was some very large IndyCar talk in the home of NASCAR recently. On a lark, the underrated IRR staff took the fight to enemy turf down in South Carolina, singing IndyCar’s praises Super Bowl weekend. On a “working” vacation to the hotbed of secession, we visited  family and friends, met new ones and had a rip roaring good time. We’re also happy to report that no NASCAR was discussed at all – it’s a completely clockwork orange series anyway.

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Images from pbs.org and newsok.com

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IndyCar News Week in Review: The Not Dead Yet Edition

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Photo from IndyRaceReviewer

A.J. Goes Under the Knife: Four time Indianapolis 500 winner and racing legend A.J. Foyt underwent successful triple bypass surgery Wednesday in Houston, Texas. The seventy nine year old has been recovering at Baylor Saint Luke’s Medical Center and likely causing the doctors, nurses and staff a Texas-sized amount of grief. A.J. had suffered chest pains recently and already had stents inserted into his arteries a few years ago, according to his team’s website. Foyt’s survived numerous brushes with death in his nearly eight decades, including multiple racing accidents during his storied career, many surgeries, a staph infection, a bulldozer rollover and even a killer bee attack on his ranch. Now it’s his ticker. We wish the feisty near octogenarian a speedy recovery, as May at Indy wouldn’t be the same without him.

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Photo from smackedforum.com

Silly Season News: See possible, potential, rumored return of a foxy former series driver below.

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Brazilian Bikini Botch?: Warning flags regarding holding a race in Brazil have been raised on this site before and with good reason. Brazil is a third world country with numerous problems, far beyond attempting to host international soccer matches and races. Coming as no surprise to our readers, there appears to be a snag in the renovations of the circuit IndyCar plans to run the season opener at in March. Meanwhile, perfectly fine ovals in the United States go unused by the series. Mark “mini” Miles, are you reading?

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Image from IndyRaceReviewer

F1’s Broker & Loonier Than Ever: As we noted in “Czar Bernie’s Against New Ideas and Reforms,” F1’s Bernie Ecclestone opposes new ideas and reforms, just like the imperious Czars of old. This week he royally rejected one team’s innovative approach to funding shortfalls in his ludicrously over-priced series “no one can afford” according to the Telegraph. Caterham, facing bankruptcy and unable to field cars in the last few races, turned to web based crowd funding to make ends meet and rather impressively raised over half a million dollars so far. Czar Bernie thinks this way too radical and doesn’t give his official seal of approval, sneeringly referring to the effort as “a begging bowls” approach. Perhaps Bernie could open up his own royal coffers and be generous with his billions for the good of F1 as we near the holiday season. Nah – never happen.

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Image from IndyRaceReviewer

Swiss Miss Back At IMS?: Speaking of IndyCar’s foreign sister series featuring even funnier accents, F1 wash out and former IndyCar pilot Simona de Silvestro’s back in the headlines albeit through a second hand source. Crazy ol’ Curt Cavin reports that IndyCar honcho Derrick Walker says Simona’s desirous of a return to the series. The twenty six year old speedy siren supposedly said at the U.S. Grand Prix that it was a mistake to leave IndyCar and chase F1. Since she never started a race in Czar Bernie’s glamorous, overpriced series we’d have to agree. Heck, we’re so welcoming of Sim’s return to the States we’d even let the fast, foxy fraulein bunk with us.

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NASCAR Runs Amok: No additional riots, fights or domestic assaults have taken place down south in NASCAR-ville, at least in the last couple of days. This subject already has been covered here lately more than we’d like to admit in “NASCAR: ‘A Clockwork Orange’ Series.” Here’s an idea – maybe King France could schedule a race in or near Ferguson, Missouri, the St. Louis suburb plagued by recent NASCAR-esque violence and mayhem of its own. We’re certain that hell hole of a track Gateway Speedway nearby is available. They could invite the rioters to a post-race mixer in the infield with Busch and the boys. Imagine the ratings that smack down would generate for NASCAR. And the revenues.

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Image from IndyRaceReviewer

NASCAR: ‘A Clockwork Orange’ Series

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Image of ‘A Clockwork Orange’ from fanpop.com

With Kurt Bush being investigated for domestic assault, brawling becoming commonplace on NASCAR pit lane and Tony Stewart’s accidental killing of young Kevin Ward, 2014 has provided a chilling look into the bleak future of racing, much less society. It is American society that is the target audience of this madness and of course a certain segment eats it up to the tune of hundreds of millions of dollars a year. While many movies may come to mind when pondering the troubling state of NASCAR – Rocky, The Jerry Springer Movie, or even Idiocracy – it seems compellingly clear instead that NASCAR has morphed into ‘A Clockwork Orange’ series.

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Photo from sports.yahoo.com

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