IndyCar Grand Prix Predictions and Prognostications: Penske Primacy’s Paramount

Penskemonolith

Since they insist upon continuing to place this clunker on the schedule, Billionaire Roger Penske should be sponsoring the IndyCar Grand Prix. Particularly since no one else will.

In the five year history of this “event,” Team Penske has won ’em all. Will Power’s won three – including the last two – and his teammate Simon Pagenaud won the other two, taking that fiasco that was the injurious inaugural and also topping the podium again three years ago. Due to such predictable Penske primacy, our special prediction for this rare Saturday race is that once it’s over, you’ll have wished you’d spent the day mowing your yard instead, or even going to a wedding.

savcrashfoxsportscom

Photo from foxsports.com

Other than Sebastian Saavedra’s disastrous non-start from P1 in 2014, resulting in a horrifying crash that hairlipped the honorary starter, Indy’s Mayor, Team Penske has swept not only every single so-called race, but also every pole. In fact, it hasn’t even been close. In 2015 Power won from pole, while in 2016 his teammate Pags did the same. Then the next two years Power again triumphed from P1. In reality, the GP offers about as much variety – for both pole and top of the podium – as a field of corn.

Everything won’t be all sunshine and roses for Team Penske, though. First out of the race will be Helio Castro-Neves, Penske’s usually retired racer who awakens from his slumber to come out and play – between naps – in May. The forty something Brazilian will prove to be a bit rusty though, and – * spoiler alert!* – won’t fair much better in the real race everyone actually cares about Memorial Day weekend.

GPIpileupindystar

Photo from indystar.com

The biggest surprise of the race will be if they don’t duplicate the by now obligatory first lap calamity that’s come to define the race run backward through IMS’ infield. Since the 2014 farce, the GP’s green flag has been marred by pileups and contact every year except for 2017. That’s four out of five races with a significant issue at the start. With this bifurcated field of the aged and the inexperienced, expect repeat wreckage right from the get go.

Race winner will be that world class whiner Will Power, claiming his fourth victory from pole at the Grand Prix. If this predictable result doesn’t prove Penske should pay for this pitiful place holder of a race, then nothing does. So get those mowers maintained and gassed up – or get that suit cleaned and ready – folks. You’ll be happy come Saturday you made plans to do something else. Anything.

WillPowerdeodorantIRR

Advertisements

1 thought on “IndyCar Grand Prix Predictions and Prognostications: Penske Primacy’s Paramount

  1. Pingback: IndyCar Grand Prix Race Review: Empty Seats Edition | Indy Race Reviewer: Fast and Funniness

Leave a Reply - it's free and easy

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s