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WARNING: Those voices in your head telling you not to read this because we’re part of a cabal that’s out to get you . . . happen to be right.
With never ending collusion delusion, conspiracy theories running amok and – even though Mikhail Aleshin‘s sadly no longer in the series – a Russian seemingly under every bed, IRR’s got a few new crackpot conspiracies for your consideration. Only this time, they’re of the IndyCar variety. It starts with those chemtrails IndyCars emit, which everyone else obliviously refers to as so-called “exhaust fumes.” But we’ll get back to Whinin’ Will Power in a moment.
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Roger Penske and Josef Newgarden may actually have some competition for a change this year at Barber Motorsports Park, although the grand Penske conspiracy’s a tough one to get folks to buy, unlike his billion dollar fleet of vehicles. Newkid’s won three of the last four down in Alabam’ – his French teammate won the other – and is obviously the odds on favorite to do so again this season. Coincidence? We think not. Hell, amongst IndyCar aficionadoes who are truly *in the know* Team Penske‘s the Bilderbergers, Trilateral Commission and Council on Foreign Relations all wrapped up into one. Don’t tell anyone, but RP’s a Freemason, too. Talk about a new IndyCar order!
Colton Herta, who strangely resembles Joaquin Phoenix in case you hadn’t noticed, is also white hot coming off his first win while setting the mark as youngest ever series victor at COTA. That twisted Texas track‘s awfully similar to the motorcycle circuit they’ll be racing on at Barber. At just 19, Herta’s so damned young we wonder if he even knows who David Rockefeller was. In any case, as a member of a team called Harding-Steinbrenner Racing, you just know the kid’s definitely a big-time globalist.
Andretti Autosport’s Alexander Rossi is another one to watch carefully in Sunday’s race, though not for the reasons you may initially think. As is widely known, the 500 winner’s family originally comes from Italy, as does his sketchy team owner‘s. Believe it or not, that’s the same country in which Lee Harvey Oswald’s mail order Carcano rifle was manufactured – you know, THE rifle. Wild stuff, huh? We’ll soon see if Alex emerges as the lone slayer of the competition this weekend – or just another patsy.
If you wannna reach for the truly conspiriatorially crazy, then there’s no better subject to study than Mad Will Power. If ever there were an alien in our midst, then it’s certainly he. We’re absolutely, positively convinced Power’s a lizard person, a.k.a. reptilian, as he’s definitely running IndyCar. Or is that ruining it? Perhaps it’s both. Regardless, the guy’s so far off his rocker he’s convinced that HE faked the moonlanding. Turns out it wasn’t Stanley Kubrick after all.
One thing conspiracy theory believers – as well as the rest of us – can agree on is that it should be one helluva race come next Sunday. Why? Because Barber’s as rare as a treason trial in one very real sense: it’s a road course that can, at least occasionally, produce some decent racing.
DISCLAIMER: Neither Alex Jones nor Rachel Maddow had any part in the conception, writing or funding of this article – thank God.
Image from theadvocate.com