IndyCar Classic Predictions and Prognostications: On the Road Again

Image result for circuit of the americas

Photo from cicuitoftheamericas.com

In its infinite wisdom, IndyCar visits yet another rampantly redundant road course this weekend – and it’s most definitely not music to our ears.

Turns out a wide array of musicians sing songs titled “On the Road Again,” including most famously Texas’ own Willie Nelson, Canned Heat, Barrabas and a group called Amphetamine Eaters to name but a few. And that’s not to mention derivative ditties like the Grateful Dead’s “Natural Born Easy (On the Road Again),” either. Our special prediction of the race deals specifically with the quick cars being on the road – again.

Image from countryfancast.com

Directly counter to the conventional view of every other single outlet and commentator in existence, Sunday’s show won’t be gripping viewing, but rather a rerun of the numerous other identical road races – like the very next one in Alabama. Lacking in excitement, speed and overtaking – also known as quality racing – COTA will amount to a high dollar, low interest parade around a three and a half mile f-ing F1 circuit. To us, such an ear splitting waste of horsepower strikes an extremely sour note.

Our pick for pole also may sound like a familiar tune, for when it comes to IndyCar qualifying on road and street courses it’s pretty much a one note song. Just like an awful ear worm, Will “sour grapes” Power gets in your head and won’t come out until you’re driven nearly as mad as he is – and that’s frickin’ bat-shit crazy. Imagine what it must be like for the rest of the field, forced to follow that wanker and hear his odious, un-melodious name called as pole sitter almost every single weekend. Probably gives ’em the Roadhouse Blues.

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First out of the race will be the over the hill, tired old Tony Kanaan. TK recently said in an interview that he hopes to race in the series for several more years, an unbelievable statement from someone his age – much less with his pronounced lack of success as of late. They say hearing’s the first to go, so it’s likely Tony totally misheard the question. For AJ Foyt Racing’s sake, we can only hope he was talking some radio gaga about driving the two seater.

The biggest surprise will be just how tedious a Texas race can be. Texas Motor Speedway, the superlative oval located up the road a few hours from COTA, never disappoints when it comes to thrilling competition. Prepare to be shocked by the complete contrast between the racing there and that of the f-ing F1 circuit outside Austin. The series almost never fails to loudly screw things up when visiting a track for the first time – think NOLA – and sadly Sunday won’t be any different. It’ll be about as appealing as the scratchy sounds of a beginner student pluckingly playing a musical instrument – only this’ll last for two solid hours.

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Winner of this so-called race will be Josef “Willie” Newgarden, who not only excels on these type of tracks (see Barber) but also has some serious momentum following the noisy affair at St. Pete. Newkid’s victory will represent the one thing all weekend that may not make you want to skip ahead, assuming NBCSN’s annoying background noise allows you to hang in that long. Another back to back Penske win on the road again may well make fans think the IndyCar CD’s skipping, though.

 

 

 

 

 

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2 thoughts on “IndyCar Classic Predictions and Prognostications: On the Road Again

  1. Pingback: Barber Honda Indy Grand Prix of Alabama Predictions and Prognostications: Locks Edition | Indy Race Reviewer: Fast and Funniness

  2. Pingback: IndyCar Classic Race Review: All Hail Emperor Herta! | Indy Race Reviewer: Fast and Funniness

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