Forget Brexit – it’s Brindy!
Five years ago when we last broached the subject of UK born IndyCar drivers, the major pending issue was Scottish independence from the UK (how’d that work out, Dario?). Today, it’s the entire UK’s freedom at stake under Brexit. So we’re watching how thoroughly Parliament will foul it all up. My, things do change rapidly across the pond, don’t they?
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In that not too distant past over on this side of the Atlantic, British drivers in the IndyCar series had dwindled down to darn near nil, fleeing faster than the Duchess of Sussex’s personal staff. She’s not known as “Lady Megbeth” for nothing. Imagine an open wheel series without the lilting, stilted manner of speech, the meek, mockish politeness, or those gawd awful, hooligan type fans. Oh, and we musn’t forget about the tea. Crickey, it’d be far too much to bear.
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The situation approached the downright unimaginable, particularly coming from the right regal realm of Jimmy Clark and Nigel “worst teammate ever” Mansell. Following the truly tragic loss of Justin Wilson at Pocono in 2015, the series was down to a single, solitary subject of the Queen in the form of the highly forgettable Jack Hawksworth. Making matters worse, fans had to endure watching multiple Frenchmen race instead. Utterly intolerable!
Let me count the ways -er, limeys currently in the series. Handsome Jack Harvey hails from Lincolnshire, Max “Paris” Chilton’s from somewhere called Reigate, newcomer Ben “Hitchcock” Hanley comes from Manchester while sometimers Jordan “stuttering” King and Pippa “not quite a” Mann are out of Warwick and Ipswich, respectively. For such a tiny country, five Englishmen’s an impressive total – and the start of a decent cricket team. That’s not counting ECR’s Ed “too small” Jones either, who was born in the sun soaked sandbox of Dubai, though fortunately to British parents. Hey, at least he’s got an amusing accent, right?
It’s not like any of these current drivers have distinguished themselves – ever, in any worthwhile way, whatsoever – as there’s not a single win in IndyCar series competition between them. Zero, zilch, zip. Heck, there’s not even a pole to their cumulative credit, and precious few points besides. On the upside, at least they haven’t brought the recent English epidemics of knife violence, kebab shops or underage female grooming to the States with them. Where’s Tommy Robinson when you need him? Oh, that’s right – totally banned by the social media mafia monopoly.
Sure, Jones had a somewhat impressive start to his rookie campaign a couple years ago and Jack Harvey’s all the rage right now, but none of that’s translated into any authentic big league success. Kinda like UKIP. For the Brits, even apart from Brexit, it seems winning’s largely beside the point – or downright irrelevant. One can simply consult the soccer standings for proof. The late Wilson was the last to visit IndyCar victory lane and that was way back in 2012 in Texas, of all places. You couldn’t get further from the United Kingdom if you cued up for a ride on Sir Richard Branson’s space plane.
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Another potential problem for her Majesty’s pilots is their precarious position in the series. Carlin’s pretty boy Chilton is the only full timer in the bunch, and considering his pronounced lack of results – not to mention the amount of grumbling his driving generates from competitors – Paris’ position appears pretty impermanent. Pippa’s been around so long one wonders how many more 500s she has in her and who knows if Hanley, much less the appropriately named King, will last. Remember what they did to Charles I, for God’s sake!
Nevertheless, the EU’s loss is IndyCar’s gain, as we’ll take those British lads and lasses regardless of their lackluster performance – no matter what Donald Tusk says about them. As for their dreadful food, however – baked beans for breakfast?! – you can keep it. Trust us on the cuisine, as this author resided in England and had no choice but to eat it, or starve. Often, it was an exceedingly difficult call. (Thank God for Kronenbourg 1664.)
Photo from allrecipes.co.uk
Trust us on the current crop of British racers, too – and don’t expect to see another son of the sceptered isle in victory lane for ages.
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