St. Pete Preview: Swede Smell of Unsuccess

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IRR’s far from neutral in our insights into IndyCar’s incredibly iffy intro to 2019.

Expect a typically erratic, albeit mildly entertaining start to the campaign on the streets of St. Pete, with nothing even approaching an error-free opener, much less Swedish drivers distinguishing themselves in any positive way. That’s coming from an author who’s actually visited Sweden – or as close as Stockholm comes these days.

Despite a lamentably lame and lackluster course, the initial contest of the season is often surprisingly watchable, for as noted in last year’s preview, “My God – It’s Full of Rookies!,” the stunning lack of experience in what’d be considered spring training in any other sport usually provides some laughs – if not worse. We’re not merely referring to the outrageous maiming of paying race fans at the track a few years back, either.

stpetedebris

With a pair of Swedish rookies meatballing their way through their inaugural IndyCar race there’ll be plenty of Nordic-headed behavior on display. And that’s not even counting the micro talented, macro ego-ed Marco, who hasn’t won a race in nearly a decade and routinely makes the term driver as big of a joke as a Jussie Smollett “hate crime.” Though not saying much, IndyCar’s actual Vikings will greatly out-pillage Mario’s mediocre, milquetoast grandson – and all without the benefit of Volvos!

Fans and fanciful readers of indycar.com have been treated to teutonic tall tales of Ganassi Racing’s Felix Rosenqvist “coming out of his shell,” although in our estimation he’s more likely to wanna crab crawl into a pothole come race day. Bad as Chip’s reaction to Felix’s debut may be, fellow Scandinavian Marcus Ericsson’s likely to fare even worse due to being part of SPM, or as we refer to them Scott Peterson Motorsport. Suffice it to say, the rookie’s likely to be murder on the luckless team’s equipment.

Swedish Bikini Team IRR

In all candor, green horn drivers along with inexperienced, upstart teams – including, of all things, a Steinbrenner backed one – aren’t exactly reasons for optimism regarding the upcoming season. This in spite of what kiss-ass hacks throughout the land have been writing and hyping for months now about the addition of another in a long, forgettable line of series sponsors. Pep Boys, anyone? Similarly, a purpose built f-ing F1 road course in Texas isn’t cause for celebration; nor will a couple of non-bikinied Swedes joining the grid move the needle much. And don’t get us started on May’s Alonso Mania, part dos.

Then again, any series sponsored by the Nippon Telephone and Telegraph corporation and so utterly insistent upon running cobbled together street circuits in second rate cities like St. Pete with non-entity and has-been drivers such as Ericsson and Tony Kanaan probably isn’t worthy of success. We’re beginning to question whether it’s even deserving of your dollars – or Kronor – and wonder where the next Swede Savage is when you need him.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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2 thoughts on “St. Pete Preview: Swede Smell of Unsuccess

  1. Pingback: St. Pete Race Review: New Season? Newgarden | Indy Race Reviewer: Fast and Funniness

  2. Pingback: St. Pete Predictions and Prognostications: Live PD Edition | Indy Race Reviewer: Fast and Funniness

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