Toronto Predictions and Prognostications: Boneheads Edition

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For reasons beyond comprehension, IndyCar’s boneheaded schedule takes the series back to terrible, tired old TO yet again. One of the dumpiest tracks on the schedule, Exhibition Place may contain splendid examples of neoclassical architecture like Princes’ Gate, but the streets around it make for awful racing. Returning there year after year’s just dumb.

In addition to the crummy Canadian circuit and usually unwatchable racing, we fervently hope you’re fans of the two C’s – cautions and carnage – because Canada’s lone race tends towards lots of both. That’s both obvi as they say and well documented. So our special prediction for this misguided event deals with something completely different.

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Photo from torontograndprixtourist.com

The boneheads  – Robby Wickens, Hinch and TK – won’t win or even do well come Sunday. Covered thoroughly in our Preview, SPM’s All-Canada Team faces serious challenges, Hinchcliffe’s drought busting win at Iowa notwithstanding. Hinch wilts under the terrific pressure of his hometown race and Wicky’s simply overrated. We’ve been calling for Kanaan’s ouster/retirement for some time now, and last year’s embarrassing display – like many others – only reinforced our view.

Speaking of needing to go, our prediction for pole is Mad Will Power. See our last several picks below – and quals results – as to why. As usual, starting P1 won’t matter much in the end.

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First out of the crash-fest at the Canuck concrete car crusher will be one of our featured boneheads again, TK. He’s been borderline dangerous since last year, admitting recently at Iowa he’d “never been so scared” in a car. When that’s your feeling, it’s definitely time to call it quits, Tony.

The biggest surprise of TO will be the forgotten Canadian, Coyne rookie Zach DeMelo. His performance alone will give the local maple leafs something for which to cheer. Unlike the other two Canuck boneheads, DeMelo’s a hot-headed Quebecois who’ll be racing to demonstrate his supériorité to the English speakers both on SPM and in the poutine and LaBatt’s reeking crowd.

Image from youtube.com

Sunday’s winner will collect his third trophy in Toronto out of the last four. In fact, expect a near re-run of last year’s runaway contest, unfortunately for fans’ entertainment quotient. Highly motivated after being screwed by a numb-skulled teammate last week, our pick was robbed by an unsportsmanlike move costing him the win. A first place finish’ll avenge Iowa’s loss and also provide a needed points boost in the championship – crucial with only five races remaining.

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Photo from indycar.com

American Josef Newgarden will prove once again just how boneheaded his competition in Canada can be. When the 34th running’s in the books, incredibly there’ll still be only a single Canadian winner in IndyCar’s lengthy history at Toronto.

PT

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One thought on “Toronto Predictions and Prognostications: Boneheads Edition

  1. Pingback: Toronto Race Review: ‘Get A Fu@&in’ Move On!’ Edition | Indy Race Reviewer: Fast and Funniness

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