St. Pete Predictions and Prognostications: Kinks Edition


Florida’s experiencing not a British invasion this weekend, but rather an IndyCar one. Tired of waiting? Us too. At long last, it’s time for sexy cars and rock ‘n roll – all day, and all of the night. Warning: some may consider our peerless prognostications – kinda like The Kinks – to be slightly deviant.

The series hits a high note with the start of a brand new tour Sunday. It’s at one of the kinkiest courses on the schedule and in a spring break hot spot, with all the accompanying decadence you’d expect. Speaking of kinky, there’s little straight about the circuit at St. Pete, though there is plenty of narrow. Despite the trashy track, when the new chariots’ engines finally do fire, it’ll be music to our ears. So on this sunny afternoon we offer up some of our ever popular power chord predictions.


Photo from

Our special prognostications for the race involve the new cars and plethora of untested drivers. Due to the virginal inexperience of over a quarter of the field, expect a first lap pileup that’ll make the inelegant Indy GP look tame by comparison. Needless to say, this’ll prove to be a destroyer for the hopes of several. And don’t be surprised when crews are forced to work out various kinks in the unproven equipment. There’ll be no L-O-L-A Lolas on the grid – or any other chassis – only updated Dallaras.

For pole we’re going with experience, a turned on team with proven performance. In keeping with our overall theme, Will “paranoia” Power will once again prevail. The Marmite fetishist owned a third of all P1s last season, including the opener, though happily it didn’t mean much during the races. In both those and the championship, Will got whipped.


Photo from

The dubious distinction of being first out of the race will fall to the series’ youngest driver, who also happens to drive for one of the worst teams in the paddock. The kinky haired Matheus “call me Matt” Leist, at just 19 years young, will earn his last place finish. He oughta get used to being a dungeon dweller – along with his rusting relic of a teammate – as they’re employed at A.J. Foyt Racing, which seriously needs to consider packing it in. For the team’s long suffering fans, it’s getting to the point of sadistic.

Biggest surprise of the race will entail yet another relative newcomer, Andretti Autosport‘s barely shaving Zach Veach. The unseasoned Veach walks like a woman and talks like a man, but’ll still finish ahead of his legacy teammate, Marco. Come to think if it, that last bit’s not really surprising at all.


Our prediction for race winner’s one who, it could be said, has really got me now. Defending his first championship and of course cashing in with a new clothing line, he’s definitely a dedicated follower of fashion. Josef Newgarden will dominate the Firestone Grand Prix, easily beating the competition into submission. Newkid’s studly prowess is starting to give the term paddle shifters new meaning. On Sunday, expect him to drink champagne and dance all night, as he’s quickly becoming a well respected man.


Photo from




3 thoughts on “St. Pete Predictions and Prognostications: Kinks Edition

  1. Pingback: Phoenix Predictions and Prognostications: Critical Edition | Indy Race Reviewer: Fast and Funniness

  2. Pingback: Phoenix Preview: Casablanka Edition | Indy Race Reviewer: Fast and Funniness

  3. Pingback: St. Pete Race Review: Crass Commercial Edition | Indy Race Reviewer: Fast and Funniness

Leave a Reply - it's free and easy

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s