‘Newgarden In Love, Or: Mad Will Hunting’ – An IRR/Harvey Weinstein Production

weinsteinIRR

When worlds – and hands and genitals – collide, things get messy.

Following a disastrous string of IndyCar themed movies – unless you consider ‘Turbo’ at all watchable – our ill-advised new venture with a disastrously pervish producer can’t possibly be worse than what Hollywood currently puts out, can it?

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Image from kindafunnyforums.com

Without further adieu, here’s the world premier of a scene from the behind the scenes making of ‘Newgarden In Love,’ featuring everyone’s favorite former movie producer. It begins with us opportunistically approaching Mr. Weinstein about another possible IndyCar – Hollywood collaboration. For some strange reason, none of our female staff members were eager to participate.

EXT. ARIZONA SEX ADDICTION REHAB CENTER – NIGHT.

In the shadows Pervy Harvey nervously tugs on his shorty robe, only half-heartedly trying to avoid the paparazzi camped out nearby. We gain easy access to the posh center, knowing the staff (and many of the clientele) all too well. [Now THAT’s IRR Unchained!] We also made sure Harvey’d already showered and were careful not to meet him anywhere near his room. Fortunately never having dealt with him before, we walk up haltingly – as if encountering some great wounded beast.

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Photo from eonline.com

Pervy Harvey

What da fu*% do I know about IndyCar? Tits and ass? You betcha. Terrible movie remakes? Yes. But racing? Nah, never happen, kid. By the way, is this place ever great for gettin’ some action! And their plant pots are HUGE.

IRR

You’d be surprised at all the T n’ A drivers get – even awful ones, like Marco. I’m sure you remember Mrs. Franchitti, don’t you? She’s been mentioned in the press lately. Besides, just leave the racing aspects to us. We’ve got you uh, covered, Harvey. Speaking of which, please pull your robe back down now.

Pervy Harvey

Ashley?! How da fu*% could I forget such a nasty woman? Been tryin’ to forget her ever since she left my hotel bathroom that last time. Did you see the speech she gave in DC? What a delivery! Couldn’t agree with her more on the substance though, of course.

IRR

                                            She’s not gonna be in the movie, Harvey.

Harvey

                                             I know that.

IRR

                                             Now, Hinch’s ex-girlfriend Kirsten Dee, maybe.

Harvey

                                             Got a picture? Give it here. Ooooh. I’m keeping this.

Zoom in tight on the picture Harvey’s ogling.

FADE TO PINK.

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Photo from pinterest.com

As for our feature film currently in pre-production, ‘Newgarden In Love, Or: Mad Will Hunting,’ we offer only a brief synopsis since we don’t want to give it away in advance, Tarantino style.

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Photo from sports.usatoday.com

SPOILER ALERT: Turns out an onanistic Newkid’s in love with himself – apparently a prerequisite for Team Penske – and lives happily ever after in NASCAR, while Mad Will‘s a pointless little subplot about nothing. What’d you expect from a Weinstein production?

Coming this spring to a drive in theatre – or porno house – frighteningly near you.

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