Mid-Ohio IndyCar Preview: Ganassi’s Paradise

GanassisParadise

IndyCar’s annual visit to Mid-Ohio brings to mind Coolio’s classic track “Gangsta’s Paradise,” although in actuality it’s Ganassi’s paradise in more ways than one. Both places are plenty dangerous with lots of twists, turns and curves – but only one’s dull as daytime lookout duty. Get the Courvoisier and blunts ready for this one, y’all!

Been spending most their lives
Livin’ in a gangsta’s paradise

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Photo from businessinsider.com

Scott Dixon’s five wins at the joint most definitely mean he’s ridin’ dirty. They also highlight Chip “G-daddy” Ganassi’s utter dominance of central Ohio’s hood. That’s how he rolls and he definitely woke, yo. Chipster’s stealing seven out of the last ten (excuses for) races is straight dope, man. Charlie “Straight Outta Cali” Kimball’s breakthrough victory in 2013 was one of ’em, going from ghetto to penthouse with that fashizzzle.

Ganassi’s got one bangin’ posse, though there are of course exceptions. Not surprisingly, Tony “old over the hill bastard” Kanaan has never scored in the O. And don’t get us started on G-daddy’s fourth driver Max “Paris” Chilton. He definitely unwoke and ’bout to be replaced by some Swede named Rosenqvist.

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Photo from twitter.com

Graham “homeboy” Rahal won in 2015 in yet another of those ‘luckily timed pit stops that win you the race’ kind of deals. It’s cool as hell driving for your dad’s team, ain’t it? Mundane Mid-Ohio monotony plus fat bottom race cars equals irresistible. That brotha’ll be back in the hood with his pimped out ride this weekend, you can bet your 40 ouncer.

Keep spending most our lives
Livin’ in a gangsta’s paradise

Conversely Team Penske’s often in a funk when it comes to muthaf@*kin’ Mid-Ohio, managing merely two victories in the last decade. Frenchman Simon “the frog” Pagenaud did win last year though, so it really is Penske’s turf – but there’s another war looming.

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Photo from indycar.com

Ryan “famous wife” Briscoe – one of Ganassi’s former boys – won the other one for the Cap’n in 2008. Interestingly, Helio stole the checkers for Penske way back in 2000-2001, so long ago he was driving a Reynard Honda. Now that’s old school.

Who’ll take the bling home to his crib’s still up in the air Dog, but at least now you know the man who’s been running the bitches in the middle of the country. And it ain’t Roger “whitey” Penske, either. That is, ‘cept’n for last year. Other than Homeboy Rahal and some damn Frenchman, G-daddy’s the man in Mid-O, suckas. We OUT!

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2 thoughts on “Mid-Ohio IndyCar Preview: Ganassi’s Paradise

  1. Pingback: IndyCar ABC Supply 500 Preview: Oh No, There Goes Pocono! | Indy Race Reviewer: Fast And Funniness

  2. Pingback: Mid-Ohio IndyCar Predictions and Prognostications: Perilous Edition | Indy Race Reviewer: Fast And Funniness

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