Barber Predictions & Prognostications: Alonso’s Cherry Edition


Fernando Alonso’s IndyCar cherry is about to be popped in Alabama, and it’s going to be messy for Andretti Autosport.

The former champ and soon to be f-ing F1 invader will be attending his first ever race on Sunday. If as reported he thinks he’s racing with “the least power ever” now in an F1 McLaren Honda, then just wait until the Spaniard’s in an AA Honda come May.


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Our special prediction of the race is that Fernando will feel his first time’s somewhat awkward and painful. Join the club, as many of us feel the same way particularly when watching a race at Barber. After all, it is a frickin’ motorbike track. However, we’re certain that at thirty five Alonso won’t publicly admit it.


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Our pole prediction is similarly agonizing, as Penske’s Pags popped from pole last year in a truly forgettable event. His teammate Josef Newgarden’s already shown at Long Beach that he’s acclimating quickly to his new partners and is set for a titillating result. The pole will come in quite handy this weekend.


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First out of the race has to be an AA entry, especially after their abysmal showing last race when none of their cars managed to finish. That’s right, Andretti‘s Hondas went four for four on DNFs, earning the golden chopsticks in the process. We’re obviously going with Takuma Sato – who crashes out a stunning quarter of the time – to earn the dubious distinction yet again. Troublingly, studies show and plummeting birth rates confirm that the Japanese have given up on sex. In Taku’s case, it’s probably for the best.


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Our pick for biggest surprise of the race – though not to regular readers of this site – is the virginal Ed Jones. The Middle Eastern born Brit is terrorizing the series in a record setting start to his fresh, young career. It’s only a matter of time before he breaks through with a win this season. Considering Ed’s rather exotic origins, it may well be seventy two cherries in his case.


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For race winner, we’re achingly going with another pole to top of the podium Penske procession, this time with the unspoiled Newkid. He destroyed it at Barber in 2015 for his first ever win, appropriately with the voluptuous Sarah Fisher. Come Sunday, Josef will be reminded yet again how it “feels like the first time.”


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4 thoughts on “Barber Predictions & Prognostications: Alonso’s Cherry Edition

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  3. Pingback: 101st Indy 500 Practice Three: Scaredy Penske Edition | Indy Race Reviewer: Fast And Funniness

  4. Pingback: Barber Race Review: PSI Edition | Indy Race Reviewer: Fast And Funniness

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