Long Beach Preview: ‘We Don’t Need No Stinking Blend Lines!’

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Photo from timeout.com

The Miss Long Beach Grand Prix Pageant is arguably the best part of the entire event.

IndyCar’s idiotic full lunar cycle hiatus following the season’s first race comes to a close in SoCal Sunday. Problem is, the last time the series visited Long Beach a controversial and unpopular non-call handed the race to a controversial and unpopular Frenchman. Which begs this question.

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Photo from indycar.com

Simon Pagenaud flouted the rules for pit exit, ignored the blend line and swerved in front of Scott Dixon – who was at speed on the racing surface. Race control issued only a mere warning and Penske’s frog benefitted, going on to win the season championship. Paraphrasing a bandit in John Huston’s classic film ‘The Treasure of the Sierra Madre,’ “Blend lines?! We don’t need no stinking blend lines!”

While 2015 winner Dixon wasn’t pleased with the non-call or second place, his gorgeous wife Emma absolutely went off, like a gold fevered Bogart in the Mexican desert. “Penske cheating again . . . Jokers! Same shit different year shame on you #IndyCar #warning,” she Tweeted. At least something of interest occurred on race day.

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Photo from twitter.com

Apart from the monumental miscarriage of IndyCar justice and Mrs. Dixon’s social media rant, little else happened at California’s annual festival of fuel saving. The race is held on a temporary street circuit which is hard enough to stomach, on top of which there were no cautions, no incidents, no mechanicals and no retirements.

In fact, precious little passing and almost no action at all occurred – race control included. As we summed up last year’s parade, “there also was virtually no entertainment.” Except of course for the Miss LBGP pageant, though unfortunately it isn’t televised.

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Photo from theedgelb.com

Here’s hoping the 2017 version of the Grand Prix of Long Beach is less off putting, or at least that the winner is. After a solid month of anticipation, we’re not betting on it.

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Photo from wxyz.com

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4 thoughts on “Long Beach Preview: ‘We Don’t Need No Stinking Blend Lines!’

  1. Pingback: Ways to Enliven IndyCar Road Racing, Or: Obdurate Ovalista Offerings | Indy Race Reviewer: Fast And Funniness

  2. Pingback: Long Beach Predictions & Prognostications: Environmental Edition | Indy Race Reviewer: Fast And Funniness

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