Toronto Predictions And Prognostications: So Sorry Edition


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Ontario, Canada plays host to the next round of IndyCar’s summer swing. We’re sorry they’re down to one race on a subpar surface and one driver who’s been subpar lately. Sorry in advance for any crude or boorish behavior on the part of American fans in attendance this weekend – and particularly for what’s coming next.


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A special pre race prediction is that the Canadians will manage to screw up the national anthems again, like they did last year and even at the All Star game this week. Last year’s butchery during the Toronto pre race sounded like alley cats in heat. Sorry, but can they get it right already? Use a frickin’ recording if nothing else.


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This week’s special prediction for the race regards local Canuck favorite, the Mayor of Hinchtown. Oakville  native James Hinchcliffe once again will become overextended with press and other business obligations the entire weekend. The distractions simply will prove too much.


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Therefore, and unfortunately for fans from the great white north, he doesn’t stand a chance of winning his home race. Fact is, he never will until they learn to go easier in their demands upon him. Let him win one for Pete’s sake, then go crazy you sorry, star-starved Canadians.

King Pags

Our prediction for pole winner is the red hot Frenchman Simon Pagenaud, who’s been absolutely schooling the series in qualifying this year. King Pags has taken five of ten poles so far, and is in danger of having the distinction for most wasted poles in a season pass to him from Helio. That’d be truly a sorry state of affairs for the points leader – and the series.


First out of the race will be poor ol “Paris” Chilton. Crashing out last week in Iowa with several other DNFs already this year, the Englishman’s on a streak that makes David Cameron look fortunate. Max is one f-ing F1 invader who Chip may well send packing back to the fashion runway if he doesn’t improve. Conveniently, his firing would open up a seat next year when a certain prized free agent just happens to hit the market. All apologies to Ed Carpenter.


For biggest surprise of the race we’re going with Luca Filippi, though winner of both Indy Lights races last year Spencer Pigot driving Ed Carpenter’s 20 car should also be fun to watch. The Italian journeyman’s raced the big cars at Toronto three times with a best finish of second last year. He’ll wheel his Dale Coyne Racing car into the top ten, that is if he doesn’t wreck it first. Let’s hope the Coyne pastime of pin balling crewmen doesn’t make a comeback this weekend since Dale’s carousel of drivers has re-started. We’re terribly sorry if you have to see that.


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Sunday’s race winner will be the coveted soon to be free agent Josef Newgarden. The young Tennessean’s been hot lately – both at Toronto and generally. Coming off a win in Ontario last year and another last week at Iowa, the still recovering American ace will be the one to beat north of the border. Like Iowa, it may not even be close. Sorry about it again, Canuck fans!


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