Fictional IndyCar Sponsors We’d Like To See

Morrieswigscar

Image from Indy Race Reviewer

Fake products could fill the void of actual IndyCar sponsors.

As forbearing fans of open wheel racing know, empty side pods seldom look good. It occurred to us that something – anything – filling those blank canvasses doing 220 mph would surely beat nothing. Fastidious fans of fast also know that IndyCar has a dearth of sponsors, so we couldn’t resist offering a few fictional movie and television product suggestions. Why not? We’re feeling Leigh Diffey daffy.

daffydiffeydrive

Image from Indy Race Reviewer

Lacking sponsors, the aim for back marker owners – which the series has plenty of – should be to give at least the appearance of success. What’s the harm if they provide a few laughs to the paying customers at the same time? No, we’re not going with the ‘Chitty Chitty Bang Bang’ (or ‘Back to the Future’ Delorean or even the ‘Bladerunner’ car) reference vis-a-vis Mark Miles’ Flying Circus. Although considering Marco‘s gawd awful ‘Indiana Jones’ paint job several years back, we did think about it.

marcoindianajones.jpg

Photo from Indy Race Reviewer

Now for the imaginary items for IndyCar. Morrie’s Wigs from the Scorsese mob standard “Goodfellas” makes a primo candidate for primary sponsorship. Morrie’s would rank right up there with “Northern Lights” and “Pep Boys,” both of which not only existed but also actually sponsored the series at one time. Wonder how De Niro would handle the current “leadership” at 16th and Georgetown?

samelliotmovieactorscom

Image from movieactors.com

Halfway through the Coen’s comedy classic ‘The Big Lebowski,’ The Stranger’s acquiescence to the bowling alley’s only sarsaparilla – Sioux City Sarsaparilla – starts an amusing sequence where the narrator encounters the Dude at the bar. “Sometimes you eat the bear . . .” Really, any sarsaparilla would make a darned fine addition at the track.

acwobuschcrm114

Image from Indy Race Reviewer

CRM 114 isn’t a product per se, but a specific series of symbols that keeps popping up in Stanley Kubrick’s films, from ‘Dr. Strangelove, Or How I Learned To Stop Worrying And Love The Bomb’ to ‘2001: A Space Odyssey’ and ‘A Clockwork Orange.’ Hmmm . . . on second thought, maybe CRM 114 should go to NASCAR, instead.

For our NASCAR readers who drink there’s Moloko Plus, the supercharged milk in ‘A Clockwork Orange’ that preps one for ultra-violence. Moloko would definitely fall on the adult beverage side of the cooler, as would our next fictional filler.

cdduffsurly

Image from Indy Race Reviewer

Duff Beer, made famous by ‘The Simpsons’ lovable idiot Homer for generations, would grace any car with style and panache. That’s assuming it’s a Coyne car, of course.

Quentin “cop lover” Tarantino’s Red Apple cigarettes could easily slot in for Marlboro and revive the chevron over at Team Cap’n. Think the Hollywood director’s values would jive with Pope Penske’s?

6000suximcdborg

Image from imcdb.org

From Paul Verhoeven’s kitschy ’80s film ‘Robocop,’ both the 6000 SUX automobile – advertised at an IndyCar like 8.2 miles per gallon – and the wonderfully destructive Cobra Assault Cannons – Kurtwood Smith’s character Clarence Boddicker describes them as “state of the art bang-bang!” – should be adorning race cars at all levels. Who knows, maybe the 6000 SUX’ll become an IndyCar engine and aero kit supplier in the not too distant future.

brawndocar.jpg

Image from Indy Race Reviewer

Speaking of the future, Brawndo out of the scarily accurate “Idiocracy” seems a natural fit for the series, which – being honest here – has seen its fair share of energy drinks come and go over the years. Remember Monster? And Rock Star? Brawndo’s garish orange logo would look bad ass on the side pods of almost any IndyCar, but particularly Ryan Hunter-Reay‘s.

beercar.jpg

Image from Indy Race Reviewer

Obviously beer from Alex Cox’s cultish “Repo Man” is high in the running and food also from the Emilio Estevez vehicle comes in a close second, making an attractive associate sponsor a few races per year. If nothing else, these product placements would provide the valuable service of reminding fans not to go thirsty or hungry during the race.

Other made up brands owners should studiously consider include Slurm, ‘Soylent Green‘ and especially the Blue Sky meth from ‘Breaking Bad.’ After all, in racing it’s all about the speed.

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2 thoughts on “Fictional IndyCar Sponsors We’d Like To See

  1. Pingback: Phoenix Predictions and Prognostications: Sponsors Needed | Indy Race Reviewer: Fast And Funniness

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