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Ne’er-Do-Well List Grows: No, Jay “Pissin’ in public” Penske hasn’t been up to any new nastiness, although an actual ex-pilot has been. Former IndyCar driver and Indy 500 starter Jon Herb was recently convicted of crimes too heinous and revolting to describe on this site. Suffice it to say his lengthy prison sentence is far too good for the deviant disgrace deserving of disdain. He joins the freshly suspended Rafa Matos, banned from driving in a lesser series for a drug violation, on the series’ sh*t list. At this rate and since Mr. Obama’s no longer using it to house terrorists, IndyCar may want to consider taking over GITMO for its former drivers.
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Penske Celebrates Yet Again: Team Penske turns fifty this year, and the IndyCar owner with the most Indianapolis 500 wins in history plans to do it right, as per usual. The Cap’n’s golden anniversary plans include displaying his winning cars at the definitely worth a visit IMS Museum, media blitzes and even a snazzy new logo. We only hope Mad Will Power‘s not featured in the television spots and that the logo’s not as lame as IndyCar’s lowercase laugher.
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Andretti Forced to Auction Off Car: In a sign of just how bad the economy has gotten at Andretti Autosport, the withering team has now resorted to auctioning off Ryan Hunter-Reay‘s Indy 500 winning race car to achieve some financial stability. Lost in other racing news last season was the dissolution of Michael‘s unsuccessful promotion company after a bitter legal battle. Shrunken to three cars going into 2016, an historic opportunity for some wealthy fan can also be interpreted as how shoestring the once mighty Autosport‘s budget has become. Speaking of ne’er-do-wells, as a cost cutting measure we highly recommend getting rid of Marco.
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Silly Season Slumber: With Sebastien “Butterfingers” Bourdais‘ return to KV Racing, the biggest news during the slowest silly season in recent memory is one of shrinkage. After Stefano “Crash Your Car For You” Coletti’s disastrous debut, it appears KV is joining both AA and Ganassi in running one less car this year. That’s a subtraction of three cars and counting if you’re counting. A negatively affected car count at most IndyCar stops as well as belt tightening amongst teams aren’t good signs for the state of the poorly run series, especially in the run up to the 100th running of the Indy 500. But with Mark Miles in charge what do you expect?
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Honda’s Hurried Hesitation: While IndyCar has a contract in place with Chevrolet through this season at least, it still doesn’t with the Japanese engine supplier for half the field. Honda’s already been granted special dispensation of the rules for their atrocious aero kits, so it’s not entirely clear what the cause of the hold up – or hold out – actually is. IRR presumes the new and improved aero kits aren’t finalized yet, but money could well be involved, too. The power plant manufacturer is no doubt extracting as many concessions from Miles and crew as they possibly can after a lackluster 2015 campaign, so prepare for an onslaught of early Honda wins once the new season finally roars to life. Chevy drivers, please report for anger management training in the pagoda immediately.
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