Sonoma Finale Predictions and Prognostications: Rock ‘n Roll Edition

It’s been a trying week so let’s get right to the good stuff – our rip roarin’ Jimmy Page inspired crystal balling, of course. This week’s special prediction for IndyCar’s final race of the season and Championship decider is that there’ll be no driver-rattling, frightened-it’s-the-big-one, Fred Sanford-type earthquake hit Sonoma this year, at least not hours prior to the green flag like last visit.

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Photo from missourilegends.com

To quote Juan Pablo Montoya on 2014’s rockin’ act of God who come to think of it sounded a bit like Redd Foxx, “Awful, like awful. My shit . . . was shaking.” And since there’ll be no rockin’ and rollin’ pre-race – or probably during the race at all in “So Mind Numbing Sonoma,” thank you Indycar schedulers – we’ve supplied an excellent musical selection of our own choosing. Thought it’d be appropriate to have England’s greatest rock band provide it this week.

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Photo from torontosun.com

Like a hot poker up the pee hole, picking Power for pole pains us plenty. Prognosticating “Mad” Will to prevail in anything just seems crazy and wrong. Moving right along first out of the race will be rookie Stefano “reckless-er than Andretti” Coletti, who seems to have trouble keeping his KV machine in one piece, whether it’s in practice or a race, on an oval or a crappy road course. In other words, Coletti doesn’t rock.

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Image from Indy Race Reviewer

The biggest surprise of the race and arguably the season – unless you count how awful the aero kits have been – will be Gabby “Pat” Chavez. He’ll finish another race and in so doing seal the Rookie Of the Year honors over Sage Karam. Gabby’s been quiet but solid in his inaugural campaign with the tiny Bryan Herta Autosport, remaining relatively trouble free all year. In short, Gabby rocks. That’s quite the feat for the twenty two year old androgynous looking Colombian, who may like Jack Hawksworth land another, “better” ride next year. Hopefully it’s with a better team that Foyt’s, assuming there is a next year and IndyCar’s not on the rocks.

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Image from Indy Race Reviewer

Extremely unfortunately for race fans the race winner will be Power from pole, barring his spinning ’round again like a Pete Townsend guitar solo as he did last year. Don’t blame us for the anticlimactic Power picks; after all, it’s an anti-climactic track IndyCar chose for the ultimate race. What do you expect when the season’s grand finale is being held on a dismal motorcycle track in NoCal, the equivalent of holding a concert at Altamont with the Hell’s Angels on security? Mark Miles are you reading, or are you too busy rolling tennis balls about whilst downing your scotch on the rocks?

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Photo from indycar.com

In a Penske kind of day at Sonoma – stop us if you’ve seen this show before –  the champion fittingly will be the crotchety Colombian and highly unlikable JPM.  A Montoya championship makes perfect sense this year if you think about it – a forgettable driver in an almost totally forgettable IndyCar season. Along with Juan, our “shit” will be shaking too, you know?

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Photo from ethicsalarms.com

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One thought on “Sonoma Finale Predictions and Prognostications: Rock ‘n Roll Edition

  1. good lord… we HAVE to get rid of Mark Miles…one way.. or the other.The bloody PUTZ has no clue…
    Fire Mark Miles

    Life Begins At 220mph

    Like

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