Iowa Predictions & Prognostications: ‘300’ Edition


There’s going to be a fight of epic proportions Saturday night, one for the history books. The Iowa Corn 300 will resemble history’s bloody Battle of Thermopylae, the heroic stand against invaders made famous to modern readers by the Hollywood movie “300.” As in the film, Spartans in glistening helmets will be bravely battling their enemies, only this time they’ll be on track, knee deep in IndyCar gore and in normal color. We can guarantee gobs of good ol’ gladiatorial gamesmanship in the arena amongst the cornfields near Newton, Iowa. Long live Sparta!

Saturday, July 31, 2010 - Iowa Speedway

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In its shape, size and utility, Iowa Speedway resembles a Greek coliseum and like its ancient precursor the speedway will be filled with screaming spectators ready to see the show. IndyCar drivers bring a warrior mentality to those chariots of theirs as well they should, for another oval track battle royal is about to take place. Here’s what else our oracles ordained to occur this weekend in Iowa.


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Our special prediction for Iowa is that the car of Milwaukee winner Sebastien Bourdais – the King Xerxes of IndyCar – will come in at an acceptable weight for a change. This after KV Racing received a $5000 fine for being underweight from the iron fist of race control following its win at Milwaukee. Also like the antagonistic Persian King, due to the infraction Bourdais’ victory last week proved to be a Pyrrhic one – and one that won’t be followed up with another.

Firestone 550 - Practice

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We also predict that the Andretti Autosport Empire’s run of five straight wins at Iowa – one that goes back so long it includes Marco’s last victory – will be snapped like a Persian soldier’s neck. Marco’s impressive record of finishing every lap this season will also be put to the test where he won back in ancient times in 2011. That said, we do envision Marco winning pole, as he certainly knows his way around the amphitheater and tested the new package there only a couple of weeks ago.


Image from Indy Race Reviewer

First out of the race no doubt will be whoever’s unlucky enough to be driving the Coyne cars this weekend, take your pick. They’ll be the first to feel the gladiators’ wrath under the cold, harsh lights as per usual. The biggest surprise of the race will be Bryan Herta Autosport’s own Gabby “Pat” Chavez. No Greek-themed story would be complete without at least the mention of a eunuch and the androgynous Colombian certainly fits the bill. He performed well in Milwaukee and comfortably leads the rookie of the year marathon. Gabby will be a survivor again this weekend and continue to surprise folks along with his vastly outnumbered team.


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Finally, our surprise prognostication for race winner is one of our favorites and one we’ve avoided picking lately, thank the gods. Our hero/King Ed “Leonidas” Carpenter is definitely due for a favorable result, particularly after being massacred Thermopylae-like all season. CFH Racing‘s been solid this year with Josef Newgarden‘s impressive wins, but the 20 car hasn’t been. Ed tested at Iowa the same time as Marco, and that’ll be the edge he needs to turn his season around. If not, his career could come to a rather abrupt halt just like the Greek king’s did. Long live King Ed!


2 thoughts on “Iowa Predictions & Prognostications: ‘300’ Edition

  1. Pingback: Pocono Predictions And Prognostications: Problems Edition | Indy Race Reviewer: Fast & Funniness

  2. Pingback: Iowa Race Review: Sage Gone Wild | Indy Race Reviewer: Fast & Funniness

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