N@$C@R Predictions & Prognostications: Sherman Through Atlanta Edition

jgwts

Image from Indy Race Reviewer

Urgent note from IRR’s Editorial Board – Emergency Session: Snowed in, beyond bored and suffering the effects of cabin fever, our cracked soothsaying division implemented a hostile takeover of the editorial room and insisted these NASCAR predictions be published. We do so very much against our will. They made us do it! Rest assured, this site remains dedicated primarily to IndyCar, but extreme times call for extreme measures. The current situation certainly constitutes that. Need some good news? Feel fortunate you aren’t being held captive in an office building by a bunch of crazed fortune tellers this weekend.

kinopoisk.ru

Image from fanpop.com

Now for a word or two on NASCAR. First, a stolen race car?! Come on, fellas. Hire a security guard when you’re in Atlanta, for goodness’ sake. The Friday night fiasco “qualifying session” saw the inspection line resembling Black Friday at Wal-Mart with a number of cars disqualified and unable to post times. Instead they were ordered by owner points. THAT’s what the paying customers want.

Jeff Gordon called the ordeal “embarrassing.” Smoke, who didn’t turn an official lap, Tweeted “Frustrating!” It’s clearly no way to run a circus, even if there are new qualifying rules for 2015. We found the whole ordeal amusing. Our friends at Autoracing1 could hardly keep straight faces while Tweeting about it. Predictions published below were done so under duress –

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Image from Indy Race Reviewer

Kurt Busch will be anxiously watching the weekend’s “action” at Atlanta from an undisclosed location in his infamous RV, which in his free time he’s converted into a Walter White style mobile meth lab. Busch won’t be officially linked to the theft of Travis Kvapil’s car, though he should be thoroughly investigated.

seattletimescom

Photo from seattletimes.com

“Smoke” Stewart remains completely lost and finishes at the rear of the field. Sadly he hasn’t been the same since last summer’s tragedy and won’t be the same old Tony for the foreseeable future.

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Photo from examiner.com

There will be many more fans dressed as empty seats this Sunday than last Sunday, as Atlanta struggles with a new earlier date, chilly temperatures and NASCAR’s declining popularity.

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Photo from foxnews.com

Daytona 500 winner Joey Logano carried momentum into Atlanta with a pole, but he and his self proclaimed “team of bad asses” come up short and fail to win two in a row. For a real bad ass, see the man pictured in black and white below.

3boobsmirrorcouk

Image from mirror.co.uk

After two hundred and ten big league starts and a puny solitary win to show for it, Danica “More Diva Than Driver” will do it all over again on Sunday. That is, make another futile start since the race won’t be a fuel mileage battle in Japan. Mike Joy won’t repeat his call of last week, “Danica, three abreast” either.

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Photo from foxsports.com

Jeff Gordon’s farewell tour remains a disappointment for his fans as he makes an early exit from the race and then in classic fashion blames a competitor for his shortcomings.

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Photo from dailymail.co.uk

Since his name is closest to that of General William Tecumseh Sherman who during the Civil War “made Georgia howl,” General Ryan Tecumseh Newman will burn Atlanta down Sunday, leaving widespread destruction in the wake of his tremendous victory.

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Photo from civilwar.org

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2 thoughts on “N@$C@R Predictions & Prognostications: Sherman Through Atlanta Edition

  1. Pingback: N@$C@R Predictions & Prognostications: Lost Vegas Edition | Indy Race Reviewer: Fast & Funniness

  2. Pingback: Atlanta Autopsy: NASCAR’s Fog Bowl | Indy Race Reviewer: Fast & Funniness

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