Ten Uses for Bernie’s Tenth of a Billion

tamara dailymail.co.uk

Photo of Bernie’s daughter Tamara Ecclestone from dailymail.co.uk

So Bernie Ecclestone – everyone’s least favorite Brit and head of F-1 – pays a hundred million dollars to get off a bribery rap, avoids jail time and keeps his job. A bribe to get out of an attempted bribe – that’s European early medieval.  Sounds about right for what passes as justice in this post post-modern world of ours. That’s the strong man model of governance Europe has enjoyed historically but we’ve only recently become acquainted with by the way, and just look at the results.

Berniebbccouk

Photo from bbc.co.uk

IRR started thinking about how we’d spend the troll’s -er, we mean Bernie’s millions from his latest illegalities to improve our less corrupt but much poorer form of American open wheel racing. A tenth of a billion to spend on IndyCar right here in the good ol’ USA, where Lord knows we could use the economic stimulus. It’s pure fantasy we’re fully aware, but we should all dream from time to time. Wouldn’t it be a raucous good time spending all his filthy lucre while improving our beloved sport?

cash telegraph.co.uk

Photo from telegraph.co.uk

1. Build five race tracks for IndyCar in new US markets, including an indoor 9/10s mile oval with 45˚ banking for a go-to year ’round venue.

2. New paint and upgrades for all existing tracks, including upscale posh blogging suites.

3. Purchase a television network and run 24/7 IndyCar programming, featuring the AJ Foyt cam morning show.

4. IndyCar Bikini Team.

5. Buy a NASCAR team and name it “IndyCar Racing’s Much Faster Racing.”

6. Limo rides to and from the tracks and free beer for ticket holders.

7. Create an “IndyCar Land” amusement park and HQ for the Bikini Team with both an old racers’ home and singles apartments on the grounds.

8. Buy a ML Soccer team and name it “IndyCar’s Mucho Faster.”

9. Build an “IndyCar Fans Hall of Fame, Museum, Bar & Grill” and include a traveling semi-transporter version, as well.

10. Buy a squadron of FA-18 stunt jets (they could do the pre-race flyovers) and emblazon them with “IndyCar’s Nearly as Fast.”

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