Proposed Uses Of Gazillions Of Dollars At The Speedway (Beyond The New Scoring Pylon)

Many IndyCar fans grow a bit jealous and bitchy this time of year regarding our beloved damsel, the apple of our eye, IMS.  We get the vague but real feeling that our best gal’s been cavorting about town with another man – a visiting southern gentleman – rather than properly returning our unwavering attention, our utter devotion to her.

So in our uncomfortable but temporary role as jealous, jilted lover we here at IRR have turned our minds instead towards fantasy, leaving cruel reality behind for a brief moment. Fantasy about how the wayward center of our world could – and should – be better to us.

Proposed uses of gazillions of dollars at the Speedway beyond the new scoring pylon –

  • Wine and cheese vendors
  • Cutting out some of those steel posts that obstruct expensive front stretch views
  • More accessible, shinier, deeper men’s room troughs
  • Better video boards that are much larger than two feet wide
  • An actual sports bar and lounge (or three), like every other major sporting venue has
  • Backs for certain selected seats – can even be an airline style pay-for upgrade
  • More varied and numerous concession stands, including schnitzel & sauerkraut
  • Bikini clad beer sellers roaming the grandstands
  • A Jim Nabors clone (or cyborg) to sing “Back Home Again”
  • Bikini clad schnitzel sellers roaming the grandstands
  • 33 gorgeous grid girls dressed as scantily as those in TO handing out money
  • Robin Miller in Danica drag on a “stands run” interviewing fans
  • Zip-lines from the stands across Georgetown Road for speedier egress after the race
  • 24/7 AJ Foyt cam during the month of May
  • Complimentary deviled racing eggs

1 thought on “Proposed Uses Of Gazillions Of Dollars At The Speedway (Beyond The New Scoring Pylon)

  1. Pingback: IndyCar Predictions and Prognostications – Media Day, Aero Kits and St. Pete | Indy Race Reviewer: Fast & Funniness

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